The diary is set up in a logical sequence (Family background, Childhood, Teen Years, etc.); I’ll begin on page 319 because it asks, what else would you like to say about who you are now? (a question that will probably have a different answer by the time I get back to it). After today’s entry, I’ll go back to the beginning (page 13) to continue my future entries.
Here is what I would like to share about my present-day self:
I am 60 years old (I feel about 30ish). I am currently on my 3rd career (a college professor). I have 2 children, both are fully independent, responsible adults. I have been married 21 years to my present husband. I have no regrets about the choices I have made in my life; I realize that I am still evolving, and I seize every opportunity to grow personally.
I spent a large portion of my life full of rage. I have grown into a much calmer person; I sometimes wish I had arrived at this point in my life sooner, but there was a great deal of emotional damage that needed repair before I could calm down, and be at peace with myself.
I am a very straight forward person. I generally say what I mean, and mean what I say. I’m terrible at meaningless small talk. I have gotten better over the years, but it takes effort for me to engage in meaningless talk about random subjects. I thoroughly enjoy a deeper interaction with others about subjects we feel something about (interchanges where we can learn something about (or from) each other).
Presently, my fiercest battle with myself is my fear of failure. It doesn’t present itself as some big, bad obstacle to overcome; it’s almost imperceptible. It’s that whisper that is ever present, and always questioning…are you sure…? How do you know…? What if…? How are you gonna…? I have found a way to force one foot in front of the other in the direction of my fear, and that has helped me overcome my hesitation, ignore my self-talk, and “take action” more often.
I am proud of who I have become.